Last week started off with me doing everything right. Monday was a breeze, Tuesday started to get hectic, and by Wednesday I was off my game. I missed work outs. I stress ate, and my family became more needy. The worst part the kids are on winter break, and want me to cook more than usual. So I told myself to get my ass moving, but it wasn't to the gym, and it damn sure wasn't eating right. It was making sure my family was straight. Running their errands, shopping, extracurricular activities, and cleaning up.
So how do we as women balance it all. Work, kids, husband,(dating), and still have time for working out, and dieting. So I decided to balance it all by taking everything one step at a time. Since in reality we literally have 5-6 hours a day to do what we want to do , we have to fit family, fun, and self all into those hours. So since most of my workouts are in the evening verses morning I tried to space them out this week to keep from taking away from family. I decided I wouldn't call eating better a diet, and refrain from mentioning it at work to keep people from offering me food. I continued the 5-6 meals without letting people see me eat today. I also didn't want to stress about my weight, and will let my trainer know I would like to weigh in once every two weeks to keep from stressing about loosing weight. I also made more healthier choices while shopping for the family so they wouldn't feel like their dieting with me., but more like their eating better. Less snacks, and more fruits, and vegetables. That also keeps me from cheating. Since as women we are stretched so thin. I am making it important to me, to put myself first. When you feel good about yourself everything just falls into place. You think more clearly, and you have more energy throughout the day.
Acceptance Day 2, 3, &4
I went back to my bad habits all while keeping in mind I am fat. It's been almost one month. I ate everything I enjoyed this weekend, and afterwards I said to myself. “I sure should not have eaten that.” So Monday starts a new week. Every Monday starts a new week. Every Monday I make a To Do List for myself, and I separate my personal to do list from the whole house hold’s To Do List. In reality if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. I gave my husband some of my To Do List, and for some reason everything he was supposed to do I always wind up doing. So this week in order for me to get my personal To Do List done. I have accepted the fact that I must:
#1. Plan a head. Planning ahead is always important. I always wind up stressed out, and not completing my tasks because of that. (Meal plans, work outs, and other important activities to me.)
#2Encouraging words. Since encouraging words are hard to come by every day. Find something encouraging to say to yourself every day. It has to be something that brings you back to reality of what needs to be done. Say those encouraging words in the middle of the day as you make it through your work day, all while eating healthy, and maintaining a positive attitude.
I have noticed a positive attitude goes a long way. I know it’s hard especially when you see some people eating what they want, and not gaining any weight or the weight goes to all the right places. I call them the Prey, and us dieting people are the weak. They make me sick because as soon as you say, “I am on a diet,” all of a sudden they want to offer you a piece of their cheese steak, or they want to order wings. (I love hot wings.) I want to say to them “Fuck you, and your cheese steak. You never offered me shit before.” It’s as if they want to trick you into eating poorly with them. So avoid them, but bring in some good healthy food to flaunt in their faces.
Part of planning a head for me is meal prep. Making my meals for a few days ahead of time. This week most of my meals will be grilled fish, chicken, and mixed vegetables, and egg white omelets, and of course healthy whole grains, and starches. Brown rice which I absolutely hate, and sweet potatoes, which have become my best friend, fruits, and of course water. You don’t know what it’s like when you have no food planned. You eat anything thinking you’re eating healthy, or you don’t eat at all.
Setting an alarm for my meals this week, and doing two work outs a day. A 30minute cardio before work, and working out at Gymratz gym, and on my own.
I have planned a head as far as my meals, and workouts.
Now all I have to do is get my ass up at 4am tomorrow workout, and start cooking this damn food. After getting the kids ready for tomorrow, and folding the clothes.
Those encouraging words for tomorrow. “Stop procrastinating, and get your ass moving.” After some of the days I have at work. I often just sit, and stare into space for a while. So those are great words to get my ass moving.
Day #2 The Weigh In
Today was the weigh in, and after two weeks of eating right daily, and working out most of the time I still managed to gain back the five pounds I lost. So I am right back where I started. ( 245 pounds) What a fucking number? Five pounds to 250, and 50 pounds to 300. I am fat. Don't think I have low self esteem because I really don't. I have come to accept the fact that I am fat. Maybe it was that piece of cake I snuck, and ate at work, or the dessert I had with my fifth healthy meal. I love sweats that is my down fall, or maybe I am due for that bitch Cynthia to come to town (my menstrual). I usually gain weight when she comes to town. Maybe I didn't work out as hard as I could have this week. I wanted to beat myself up about why the hell I gained the weight I lost. It was such a surprise to me, when my husband said "Don't worry about the scale. You have been eating better, and working out. Just keep it up." You know what my mind would have told me. "Your still fat we minus well get us some fat girl food. You know you want some ice cream." Those small words of encouragement stopped me from stopping at the nearest Chinese store to drown myself in my sorrows. I have accepted the fact that I am fat, and a little is not enough. I have accepted that I have to put my all into loosing weight to be a healthier better me. To any of you who are sensitive to the fat word. Don't be just because no one is saying it to your face, please believe they are saying it behind your back. Its like FA (Fat Anonymous) Hi my name is Chanel, and I am fat.
Change the Changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable --Denis Waitley
Change the thought that you can't loose weight because you can, accept the fact their will be bumps along the road, and fight for better because it is unacceptable to silently kill yourself.
It is hard for me to accept this skin I am in.
Pounds of fat, stretch marks, and rolls I am in.
Diseased pieces of fat ready to take my life away skin I am in.
Unable to walk long distances without breathing heavy this skin has affected my lungs.
Unable to walk up the steps my chest is pounding, and hurting this skin has affected my heart.
Unable to make good choices in the food I eat this skin has affected my mind.
It’s hard for me to decide what to wear sweats, and hoodies hide this skin I am in.
The doctor said you better smarten up girl, your cholesterol is high girl, you are ready to have a stroke in all that skin you are in.
Would you like to know what can happen to you in all that skin you’re in: How about being so obese you can’t clean your own ass, and confined to only a bed in that skin you’re in.
How about having diabetes, and unable to feel your fingers, and toes in that skin you’re in, so bad that you can lose a foot in that skin you’re in.
How about having to take pills for your blood pressure for the rest of your life in all that skin you’re in.
How about living on oxygen, for the rest of your life in all that skin you’re in, and that’s just to name a few.
All that skin is a disease that is killing you. Big can be beautiful on the outside, what about what’s killing you on the inside.
Accept the challenge to change your life style!